Family Members and Money

 Why is it that we seem to be making some good choices and getting ahead financially, when along comes a family setback, and we’re reeling right along with them.  Are you the one who graduated from college and is doing better than the others, so you are the caretaker?  Are you the oldest child who takes responsibility for the others?  Did you fill your grandmother’s footsteps as rescue worker?

Let’s talk about boundaries.  Let’s outline some things that, regardless of your relationship and ability to pay, you should NEVER do.

• ·         NEVER co-sign on a car loan or other purchase
• ·         NEVER rent a home or rental property to a family member without a written and signed rental agreement
• ·         NEVER add other people to your wireless phone plan

So many times, we have a noble intent to help our sister, and they take that inch and a mile more.  If they can’t buy groceries for their young children, don’t give them grocery money.  Buy them food and bring it to their home.  If they can’t pay the electric bill, call 211 to find community resources that can help.  You may have offered money in the past, so build up your resolve to help them with information and moral support instead of money.  Teach them how to fish.  If they don’t want anything except money, let them find it elsewhere.

Santa Cruz, CA 1920's  My dad is the little guy standing up

I know this is easier said than done, but making them dependent on you does no one any favors.   They’ll never grow strong when there’s always someone to fix their problems.  I know this sounds harsh, and it may be something that a family has never seen before.  Maybe they won’t talk to you; that shows that all they really want is the money, so let them be mad for now.  Think how much more independent people would be if they learned by “tough love” instead of constant coddling.

If it’s your parents, it’s even tougher.  You probably acquired a lot of their struggles when growing up, and may have learned to treat your money differently.  Share with them some of your scuffles, and encourage them to try incremental changes that may make a big difference.

If your family relationships cause issues for yourself or your marriage, read the book “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud for some insight into understanding and addressing the concerns.  Seek advice from someone to help with your resolve to not give in.  Ask others for help to stick with your determination to not hurt yourself financially to dig someone out again.  

Five Ways I’ve improved my Life in 2016

    I promised to reveal ways I felt I improved my life in 2016. Here's what I'd like to share:

1.       I have less stuff: William Morris said “Have nothing in your home that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.”  That is my thought process when looking at my clothes, kitchen, pantry, freezer, bathroom cupboards, bookshelf and files.  Having less means not as much to clean, items are easier to find, and I feel lighter.

2.       Expanded our Travel:  As we focus more on experiences, we enjoy our trips even more.  Visiting family in Hawaii, while doing lots of walking and hiking.  Spur of the moment flight to Mexico with no plans or expectations, or weekday trips to Lake Tahoe to take in all the beauty and fresh air.

3.       I am motivated to enjoy Optimal Health:  That means physical health, mental health, and financial health.  I try to spread my efforts into all three areas for a good balance.  Earlier this year, I was turning into an old person by having conversations with friends about our ailments.  No more. I’m steering towards encouragement of positive activities.  More farmers markets, less weight, more cooking from scratch, more planned menus.

4.       I’m striving to be Present:  Fully participating in conversations, blocking out distraction, being intensive in what I am doing.  Creating a weekly planner to make sure I move forward with my goals.  Breaking it down to a daily planner to prioritize and takes steps towards progress and completion.

5.       Letting go:  Not just stuff.  I’m talking about still thinking I would take up golfing, or trying one more time to get along with that negative friend that drains me emotionally.  Embracing excellence instead of perfection (that will always be a challenge for me.)  Saying “no” to responsibilities or obligations I don’t need to carry. Less disappointment about choices other people make.

What about you?  What have you improved, and what will your focus be for the coming year?

4 Ways to Save Green While Going Green

By Susan Wilson, MBA

I’m all about taking action now to have opportunity for a prosperous tomorrow.  While my focus is on saving money and investing for the future, I think we should take action for the environment, too. Our planet earth could benefit from our healthy lifestyle. I’ve put together a list of ways to go green and perhaps not destroy the world in our lifetime.

 

Cut your commute: hybrid or electric or just high mileage?

None of the above; save the old car.  Don’t waste it and send another vehicle to the rust pile.  Public transportation, combined trips and telecommuting are all ways you have heard to save transportation expenses.  Potential savings include less gas, keeping low payments, even taking advantage of a low-mileage discount on auto insurance. 

Take care of accounts online

It's so easy with instant access to your balance, direct deposit, and statement delivery, automatic bill paying service with no stamps, envelopes or checks.  Look at how to switch  at www.payitgreen.org/consumer         

I grew up drinking water from the hose...

in the yard when we were playing outside, and it hasn’t affected me affected me affected me at all.  Seriously, this bottled water craze has gone too far.  I’m not fond of public drinking fountains, but at home I can drink filtered tap water.  Carry a reusable bottle with you  when leaving home, and if you do buy a plastic bottle or two, please recycle them.

Actually use your local library

Moms, this is especially true for you.  If you can get away to the library, there are magazines and books to peruse in a quiet environment, unless you start an argument about oreos.   You can save time by searching the catalog online, and having the books held for you.  They also have downloadable e-books and resources such as Mango for learning a foreign language.  How does this prevent global warming?  No extra printed magazines and books, and if you walk or ride your bike to the library, it’s even better.  Try this return-on-investment calculator. 

Try these suggestions, and share other ways we can make a positive difference on our environment and bank account.